I am in love with a wonderful women

I am paticularly bored right now. I will be leaving soon to go pick up emily, my girlfriend. Anyway, lately I have been feeling down. I was so incredibly suprised at what I got for christmas. I wasn't expecting what I got. Although it was a magnificent day, I feel that too many people don't understand what christmas is really about. Its not what you get for presents, its about being together with the ones you love, sharing stories and having fun. Every year for the past few years all I have seen when it comes to christmas is fighting. I'll will come back after picking emily up and write some more.

Okay, I'm back. Anywho, Emily is deciding to take an alterate route in our relationship. Right now she doesn't want to talk to me because I am such a "horrible person" or something to that affect. Oh well, it doesn't really matter to me. If she doesn't want to be nice that is her choice. I'll try and be nice to her, but if she doesn't give me any respect then I am not going to give her any in return.

Sometimes I wonder weather she really loves me or weather she is just in it using me as a crutch. I really don't see her using me as a crutch, but I don't know what or how to look for that. Neither am I going to go and try and find out. I would rather us be in a loving relationship where we can bond and have fun. Like tonight, I would love to hang out with her and watch a movie, but I don't think its going to happen. I love her to death. I work to make her happy and I guess i'm not working enough. That is why once I get off this computer I am going to be getting on the other computer so she can use this one and type up my resume for multiple applications.

Well, I better not carry this on to much farther. I am sure she is going to turn down my offer when I ask her if she wants to use this computer, but you never know. I love you emily, and if you are reading this I just want you to know that I am in this for us, not myself. I want you to know that you are an amazing girl and that I hope you are in this for us too. I hope you want to do something like....watch a movie with me?, but if not then I will leave tonight and I will just leave you alone to do as you please. I am sorrry for your saddness. I hope you become happy in the future.

So it has come to my attention that I have a really shitty job. I need a new one and thats that. No ifs ands or buts about it. Its time I made a resume and sent it everywhere thats not retail. Where I am currently working is going to ruin my life. The only things that can help me get out is going back to school, and getting a better job. Something that I could make about 700-900 every two weeks would be awesome. Don't know where I could get that, but when I find it, I am going to have to make it happen.

P.S.
I am becoming frustrated, upset, tired, and really stressed about whats going on. I need some sort of release. Some sort of outlet to take my frustrations out on. And something to make the stress GO AWAY!!!!!!

Sometimes we say whatever to end conversations. We get frustrated and don't want to keep talking to someone. So what we say is "whatever". I really hate ending conversations with whatever. I also hate.....okay I don't know where I am going to go with this. Its about time I talked about things in a different perspective. I have to stop being emotional. I have to stop saying "I love you." in every form that I do. Sometimes I think that we say these things just to make people feel better. I don't though. When I say those things I really mean it. I try really hard to do the rigt thing in life. Whenever I try to do good things, they sometimes go without appreciation. Sometimes they even come with a reprimand because I didn't do it a certain way. You know what I say to that, at least I tried. I try to do something nice and all i get is crap. It doesn't matter anymore though. I'm not going to expect it anymore. I'm not going to think of getting compliments anymore. I feel like crap and I don't like it anymore. I can say that I felt wonderful yesterday. I went to pick up my girlfriend yesterday and before we went to bed, she gave me a hug. It felt so good to get that from her. It seems like I am always the one to give hugs. I don't recieve them too often. It really took me by surprise. When I asked why, she just said "because". That made me feel really good. It made me feel like I was loved. Its a great feeling for anyone that has felt it before. I want to feel that way everyday. It would be amazing if I could. I don't know if its going to happen though. I know alot of you probably think I'm just being a baby about it, but eveyone is different. We all think that people should act a certain way to things. Well guess what, we aren't all supposed to act the same. If we did, we would all just kill each other and that would be the end of it. Now....my girlfriend is going to bed and is complaining that my typing is too loud. I am going to be nice and stop for her. Goodnight everyone. Hopefully life will get better..

Lots of different things happen for a reason. Sometimes they are good, sometimes they are bad. Lately I couldn't tell you the difference. My girlfriend just got intouch with an old friend from high school. Its apparently just some guy she goes and hangs out with every once and a while, but I can't help feel a little jealous. So far she has spent like 3 nights hanging out with this guy and tomorrow will make it 4. I feel as if something bad is going to happen, but at the same time her hanging out with this guy is making her happy, which i love seeing. Though it seems like she wants to spend more time with him even though I am her boyfriend, I can't help but let her go hang out with him to see her happy. I know i'm probably just over thinking this situation and everything is going to be fine, but at the same time I feel like I need to do something or I may just loose her. I want to show her somehow that it kinda hurts me inside whenever she goes to hang out with this guy, because I don't know who he is. He just came out of no where. Yet, maybe he didn't and she has been talking to him for a while. Either way, I don't know weather her hanging out with him is a good or a bad thing. I hope what they have is just a friendship and doesn't turn into anything else. Sometimes I have to wonder though, and I know I shouldn't, but my jealousy takes over sometimes and I can't help but try and find out weather this is a good thing or a bad thing. I really don't want to loose her and at the same time I don't want to accuse her. Its wrong to just accuse someone of something without any hard evidence. I love her with all my heart, and to see her happy is the only thing I want. I wonder sometimes though if she wants the same thing. I guess I should ask her, but I do I go about asking her? Straight forward i guess. Well, I guess I should let it go. Besides I know my girlfriend is better than that and if anyone said otherwise I would have to prove them wrong.

P.S.
If anyone out there reads this, maybe you could give me some advice.

Thanks ---Adam---

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like everything is going right, nothing can go wrong and your on top of the world. I am having one of those days. Its amazing how in life everyone seems to have good and bad days. Some are better and worse then others, but you have to look at the positive side to everything on those bad days you are having. Like you're alive. Sure your alone in a room by yourself reading this, but that doesn't matter. You will find someone to comfort you and make you feel special.........eventually. And when you do all your days will be happier. Other reasons to be happy is like, you're smart, funny, everyone loves you, and if your like me, you have an extremely large penis......just kiddin folks, its only average. everyone out there that is less then average, sorry. Try enzyte or something. I heard it really works lol. From time to time we all feel a little down. We just have to do something that will make us feel better. Like complimenting yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror for a second. What do you see? Do you see someone who is healthy? Do you see someone that is strong? Do you see someone that is smart? Think of the positive things about yourself that you see and tell yourself in the mirror those things, the mirror is just so you don't look down at yourself and say anything. Never look down at yourself and say anything. Look in the mirror, head up, and say.....I am a good person. Makes you feel a little better. Now try say things you see in yourself that are positive. Like for me I would say "I am a handsome, young gentelman, that has a talent for piano. I love playing the piano. It takes me away from everything and lets me go on my own journey through life. Anyway, I am starting to ramble so I think I am going to get out of here.
GOOOOOOD-NIGHT!!!!!!!!

As you may know, I have a girlfriend. Her name is emily and she really is wonderful. I love her with all my heart. Thats why we fight. Everyone fights for a reason. Weather it be for money, power, or even love. I for one fight for love. Some people think or say "Well thats dumb. Why would you fight for love?". I say I fight for love because love is more to me then just a relationship with a kiss and a hug. Its all the wrong and all the right in your life that comes out at the worst possible times and it can only be helped by the one you love. The only way to help the wrong is to fight. And the only way to help the right, well that is actually alot more complicated because there are certain ways you can approach the right. For some people, helping the right is saying "I love you" at night, or saying "Have a good day at work." hoping that they might actually have a better day at work because you said to. To other people its reaction, how you react to everything your loved one does. Girl asks "Did you do the laundry like I asked?" Boy responds "Sorry I coudn't get to it before work." is a good example. Because she could react two ways. One way for her to react is to say "Oh thats okay. Could you take care of that now please?". This reaction is a perfect example of helping the right in someone. The other way you could react is as follows, "What the hell? I ask you to do one simple thing and you can't even do that, thanks alot". In this reaction there is alot of negativity which does not help people at all. When you yell at someone to do something they feel like they have failed as your significant other and in turn can cause a fight. Which by the way, causing a fight can actually help, it can show that the things you do are important to however and will maybe make you try harded in the future. Alot of the times fighting really doesn't help all that much. It just gives people the excuse to talk bad about one another behind each others backs. And doing things like that never helps anyones relationship. You have to fight, but fight for good reason. You can't just fight for yourself. So all of this is why I fight for love rather then fight to fight and feel bad in the end.

Don't ask why. As soon as you believe that life is at an end, it really has just begun. In this world everything gets worse before it gets better. So if life just seems to never improve for you, just wait and don't worry. Things will go your way. You can't base your life around what or when is something going to happen. You just have to let it happen. If you worry all the time you won't have any time for yourself to explore the world. You will pull yourself away from everything without even realizing it. You will put yourself away somewhere where nothing can get you and no one will see you. The truth behind everything is that, One: Take life one step at a time and don't let worry control you. Two: Stop worrying about whats going to happen and let it happen. Three: Live life like there was never anything to worry about in the first place.

Today was a very interesting day. I found out that I really like to write. I'll write about anything and everything. I seem to think and write what I am thinking about at the same time and its also making me consider trying out for english major or something. Writing could be one of my passions. I will write and write and write in hear as often sa possible. I think I have finally found something that I really like doing. It really feels amazing that I have found something to do because everyone keeps telling me that I have no passion for anything and I think i really have found something. I am so happy that I have found something. I am really really excited. Once I really get into doing this everyday, maybe I will write a autobiography. That should be alot of fun. Maybe I will start in on that in a few months. well I am going to go to bad and get lots of sleep to start into a new day of love and experience. peace out bitches!!!!!!!!!!

Hey everyone, I learned something new the other day. Some things really shouldn't be talked about to other people. It makes you look like a retard and a perv most of the time. I also learned how to stop talking when I am about to start talking about that kind of crap. Another thing that is important to me, my relationship with my girlfriend. She really means the world to me and I don't know if she understands that I rrealy do. I do anything she wants me to do...even dress up in a frilly outfit that mormally she would wear. I try and make everything I do perfect, but I always seem to find some way to screw it up. Note to self, try by any means possible to be the best boyfriend in the world before I become another memory in emily's thoughts. Now its time for a little poem. I will try soemthing tonight. Its going to be REALLY REALLY embarrassing for me, which I might add is no simple feat of action, but I would do anything to see her smile.

Some people want and some people need. Other people hope and even some dream. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but I hope that one day my hopes and dreams will come true.
----Adam Robe----